Post by Hazel Augustine May on Jun 6, 2012 6:14:19 GMT -5
HAZEL AUGUSTINE MAY
TWENTY TWO. ONCOLOGY NURSE. EMMA WATSON.
I am as constant as a northern star
[/center]"Sorry, sorry, I'm not. I...I'm not very good at these things. I don't really like to be the center attention, or talk about myself. Sorry. Um. So, let's get started then, shall we?"She shuffles slightly in her chair, painfully aware of her slight southern drawl, avoiding eye contact with the woman sitting across from her in the desk. "What's this all for again? I mean, you won't share this with anyone right, it's all confidential?" The woman nods and explains that everything shared will be kept private, she just wants to talk to he,r to know more about Hazel, she thinks it will help explain the family dynamic, her role,e and hopefully it can help her younger brother out. "Okay. Okay. Your first question then." Her face still shows how uncomfortable she is, but her voice has an air of confidence to it, the nerves gone and her posture is more relaxed, more resolved. The woman notes this down on the legal pad. At the mention of Hazel's younger brother and his well being she seems to be willing to jump to his aide. "Okay Hazel, let's start with some basic questions. How old are you? Are you in school or do you have a job?" "I'm twenty two, nearly twenty three, in a month. And I am a nurse at the hospital, oncology specifically. Cancer patients." She nods once. "Isn't that hard on you? I'm sure it must have a high mortality rate?" "Yes, you're right. It can be quite difficult at times. But, well, it's a job, it pays well, and more then that I like to help and care for people. It's all I've known my whole life, taking care of people. A lot of my patients don't make it, but I can tell I am making a difference in their last months. Or weeks. And then there are still plenty of people that come through fine, and that's even better. I just started, I mean, I just graduated and got hired, but I already feel like I'm making a difference. I just care about people. Too much according to my attending." "Please, elaborate on that." "What? I care too much? I guess, given my past few months, I do have a track record of getting too involved with my patients. The higher ups tell me I have to disconnect myself if I ever want to make it, especially working in the oncology ward. But I think my caring makes me a good nurse." She has started to relax, you can tell. She has melted back a little further into the seat, and the panic is gone from her eyes. The woman sitting on the other side of the desk jots a few things down quickly, silence filling the space between them. "Mhhmm. Wonderful. It sounds like you really enjoy your work. What about your spare time?" A hint of shame, or maybe embarrassment passes in her eyes quickly. "I, um, don't get out much. I devote almost all my time to work. Or I'm at home. I suppose I garden. And I do enjoy reading, when I can. Fiction mostly. Or the classics." The woman looks up from her notes. You can tell she already knows most of this, and is just waiting for Hazel to tell her what she already knows. "Well, if you're at home most of the time, tell me about that." "Oh, Henry must have explained that to you already." "Yes, he has, but I would like to hear what you have to say." Hazel has grown incredibly uncomfortable again, fidgety and looking intently at the sleeve of her sweater. "But.....You promise this is confidential. Not even Henry will know what I say?" She nods solemnly, but with a hint of encouragement. "Well. I guess then....you know our mother left when we were all quite young. I was 11, Henry was 8, the twins were 6 and a half and Hope was 4. No one heard from her again until last year, right before Henry started seeing you. She'd died, car crash they said, alcohol was involved. It broke Henry because he'd always believed in our mother. He had been old enough to remember her, and had always idolized her, put all his faith in her, that she would return, that she was a good person. He thought she had to have been the good parent even though she left because he imagined it was better than our father. Deadbeat, depressed. Drank. He wasn't well before our mom left, and her leaving it broke him. What little of him there still was. I don't blame our mom for leaving him, I would have left him too. I can never forgive her for leaving her five kids with a completely unstable, mental man, especially when the oldest was 11. Who just leaves their kids? What kind of pathetic excuse for a woman, for a mother does that? I was 11. And suddenly it was like I was a mother of four, the only adult in the house. Yeah, I raised those kids. Henry, Hayden, Hattie, Hope. Our father was together enough to hold down his menial job at the factory down the road, but I was the one who made sure they all got to school, had lunches, clean clothes, dinner on the table, and were in bed at a decent hour. I paid the bills, did the grocery shopping. I suspect people close to us knew, but I did my best at trying to keep it together, keep us together. I made sure they all did well in school, Henry graduated with a full scholarship To Lockhart U, in the top 10% of his class. I was never so proud as the day he walked across that stage last year. And Hayden, he plays varsity football. He's talented. He got scouted, he's going to play for TCU in Texas. And he's smart too, like his brother is. Hattie, she's a singer. She's got talent too, it just about breaks your heart when you hear her at the piano. And a writer. My God, I wish you could read what she wrote. She's going away to New York next year, NYU. She's going to be a famous writer one day. And Hope. baby Hope. She's just 15, just a freshman in high school. She's going places too though, there are no doubts about that. I've devoted my life to these kids. I went to community college so I could stay with them, worked nights to put myself through it, but so I could be there when they got home from school. And I still live at home with them because they need me. I've done a great fucking job raising them, they're great kids and they're better off then they ever would have been if my mom had stuck around, or if we had been separated. I didn't have a childhood, I barely have a life now. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I need them as much as they need me." The woman was scribbling furiously trying to keep up with Hazel as she spoke, with each word she spoke faster and faster, fury showing in her voice, in her posture, the fire apparent in her eyes. She was angry at her parents for putting her in that position, it was obvious she had a grudge, but it was also obvious the best thing she had ever done was raise her siblings and she was proud of them, proud of herself. Hazel was shaking slightly, and she looked away fro the first time in several minutes. "I'm sorry. That was....I didn't mean to say all that. I just.....don't talk about it often. I love those kids, they're the world to me. I keep it together for them, but for myself. I'm strong for them and try to remain positive. I try not to let them see this side of me, I don't want them to think I resent them. Because I don't. I could never. I'm angry at our parents, I don't know if I will ever stop being angry at them. But I have never once been angry at Henry. Or any of the others. I was just a kid, but so were they. You can't be angry at them for something that they had no control over." The woman paused, and looked at Hazel intently for a moment before Hazel started talking again." "I don't know what henry has said, or how he feels, but I know he feels some responsibility to our younger brother and sisters too. And I know he was angry for so long, but seeing you, it's helped him. He was so, so angry." She sighs, looking at the woman, waiting for her next question, waiting for her to say something. She just took her glasses off and rubbed her temple. "Hazel, I would suggest you start to see me once a week too."
BEHIND THE MASK
[/font]Why hello there! The name is CARSEN and I am NINETEEN years old. I've been at this whole role playing deal for about EIGHT YEARS and I'm loving it! You may know me as NONE YET, or you may not. Who knows! Anyway, I'm glad to be a part of the site!
